I forget who I am when there's not a mirror in front of me, Someone else showing me, telling me who I am what they see, what they like, where the light shines out of me.
Why Why am I like this? so afraid of myself, that it takes a stranger to help me find me help me hate me less? help me pretend I'm just like them.
I will forever be waiting, bated breath, back pressed against the door, one hand on the knob behind me. Watching so closely for you to move the way I've learned means you're already gone, like the ones before you. This time, I'm ready to run first, before I can be left alone, again in an empty room full of dust, and silence, and ghosts.
I'm terrified as I quantify every reason you should run the flaws, the quirks, the baggage - it's a lot. You smile your smile, say "It's okay" then come all the other words experience has taught me - means it's not I try so hard, to keep up my guard to not need anything, or anyone that might leave - but I do. I tell myself, approval is worthless - but it's a lie.