tiny poems

I forget who I am
when there's not a mirror
in front of me, 

Someone else

showing me, telling me 
who I am
what they see, what they like, 

where the light shines out of me. 

***

Why
Why am I like this?
so afraid of myself, 
that it takes a stranger
to help me
       find me
help me
     hate me less?
help me 
pretend I'm just like them.

***

I will forever be waiting,  
bated breath,  
back pressed against the door,  
one hand on the knob
behind me.  

Watching so closely for you   
to move the way   
I've learned 
means you're already gone, 
like the ones before you.     

This time,  
I'm ready to run first,  
before I can be left  
alone, again  
in an empty room  
full of dust, and silence,
and ghosts. 

***

I'm terrified as I quantify 
every reason you should run 
the flaws, the quirks, the baggage
- it's a lot.
You smile your smile, say "It's okay"
then come all the other words 
experience has taught me
- means it's not
I try so hard, to keep up my guard 
to not need anything, 
or anyone that might leave 
- but I do. 

I tell myself, approval is worthless
- but it's a lie.