…three steps back

*tw* disordered eating, trauma recovery I know healing isn't linear. I know it, and yet every time my "progress" stops appearing as an upward vertical climb and leans more towards a "crazed ant that got dipped in ink and let loose on a graph", I catch myself panicking. I've worked SO HARD to be "okay" [...]


I recently was given the "homework" of journaling about where I feel like I'm stuck in limbo. And I immediately started laughing hysterically, because - EVERYWHERE. I feel stuck in limbo everywhere. The very nature of my chronic illness means I live in a perpetual state of limbo. I cannot make plans with friends, agree [...]

Peace, Love, and Bullsh*t

Disclaimer : This is an open letter to silent, white, "Spiritualists", from a fellow "spiritual" white woman. I do not claim in any way to be an expert on the subject of racism in America, nor do I speak for anyone other than myself and my small circle with whom I've discussed this subject at [...]

tiny poems

I forget who I am when there's not a mirror in front of me, Someone else showing me, telling me who I am what they see, what they like, where the light shines out of me. *** Why Why am I like this? so afraid of myself, that it takes a stranger to help me [...]

Detached Victory

Once upon a time (three-ish years ago), I embarked upon a journey that the spiritual cool kids like to call an "Awakening" and/or a "Tower moment" (if you know, you KNOW). One of the first things that heralded this epic time of my life, was an absolutely astronomical amount of loss (as such phases are [...]


Belief shapes everything about us - from who we marry to who we hate, where (and what) we eat, the names we give our children -  it even controls whether or not we decide to HAVE children. And yet, our beliefs are some of the least talked about, and least questioned, parts of ourselves. How [...]

Apology to my Body

*disclaimer - this is simply my experience based on MY story and journey. I do not in any way speak for all chronically ill or eating disordered human beings, nor am I  in any way claiming that all chronically ill people have disordered eating or that disordered eating is the cause of all (or any) [...]